I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
