i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
