i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
