i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
