Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize