If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
