next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
