Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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