I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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