Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
