my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
