Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
