i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
