lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
