I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
