we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
