Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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