I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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