remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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