I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
