Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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