I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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