i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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