thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They took my balls.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
