So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
