it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
