I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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