Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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