I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize