So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
