turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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