He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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