while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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