three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
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