Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
