I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
