If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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