Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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