I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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