Someone shit on the floor
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize