i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
