We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
