i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
