Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
