Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
