Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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