How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
