I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
