What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
