I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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