it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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