Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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