My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
