Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
