how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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