Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
