is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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