I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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