I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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