once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
