Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
