the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
