the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
