We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
