I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
