Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
