worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
