Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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