Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
