After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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