I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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