When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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