She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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