Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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