if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
