College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
