the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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