Define "chronic" masturbator.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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